
I miss my ah gong so much…
That night, i was listening to upbeat songs along my journey to tan tock seng hospital. 10 minutes after i saw my ah gong, he died. He died in everyone’s cries, asking him to “jiayou”, “don’t sleep”….My uncles were forcing open his eyes, reluctant to let go of so good a father…On his dying breath, his pulse beat for one last time, and a few seconds later, he was gone. Everyone crowded around his bed and kneeled down, crying and praying for him to go to heaven.
I used to be afraid of the dead, but i just wan’t afraid at all of my ah gong. During the funeral, i would frequently go over and visit him in his coffin. As i look at his face, all the memories i have of him would flood back into my mind…When taking the night shift at the funeral, my 3rd uncle told me stories of what my ah gong was like. I regret not visiting him more often so much….if only i could see him, touch him, feel him……i want to play with the hairs coming out of his big chin mole, i want to massage his hands again…
When i was small, he used to give us $10 every time we go his house. At that time, it didn’t seem like much, but come to think of it, he must really have loved us to part with $100 every week…
He also clipped our fingernails for us, and cleaned our wounds…I remember dreading the fingernail thing every weekend, esp cuz i bite my fingernails, and he’ll scold me everytime he sees my nails…when he spots a plaster or a wound on me, he’d take out his jar of white cream, and apply it for me, then after that secure the wound with a white wonder tape. haha, he said it’s better than using plaster, and i always didn’t believe him.
I always believed that death means nothing; it is just the end of life, and one goes into nothingness. But so much has happened, that suggests the existence of the spiritual world. I even want to believe in the spiritual world, so that my ah gong will continue to ’exist’.
All i hope for now, is for my relatives to stop quarrelling, and get along together. As my big auntie says, “Ah gong knows”….don’t do anything that will upset him…
I pity my ah ma… she got so exasperated by my 2nd uncle that she nearly went and jumped….scared us all to death, and my relatives cried as they restrained her.
放心走吧…